you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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