She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
