Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I am going to give you the keys to my place

(1-561): View more from Florida

Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

(561): View more from Florida

Gag me

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(305): View more from Florida

I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic

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(512): View more from Texas

After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

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(248): View more from Michigan

btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

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(386): View more from Florida

I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...

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(716): View more from New York

In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....

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