It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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