1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
