I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
