so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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