I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
