part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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