bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
