i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
