I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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