Duck Duck Cougar?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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