Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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