You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
