You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
