so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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