Betty ford says i'm here all night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
