I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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