I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize