The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
