Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
accomplished twins. life is a go
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
