Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
