I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
