I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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