you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
