omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
