he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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