I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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