So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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