How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
