I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
