Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
