God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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