a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
