I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my liver is dry heaving
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
