He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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