when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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