Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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