Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
