First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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