I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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