you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
