Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
