she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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