hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
