the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
