I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
