he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
