hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
