when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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