I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
