I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
