He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
