yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
