I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
