After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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