Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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