She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How naked do you want me to be?
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