she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
