I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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