There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize