Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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