dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
