By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
