i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i love accidental penises.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
